Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
