You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
