i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
