The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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