Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
