You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
