everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
