you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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