I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dicks are not precious.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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