I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
