Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
