i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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