New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
