His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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