So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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