Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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