my phone needs a breathalizer
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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