I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
