why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
