Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize