when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
