Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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