Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
