as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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