just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
