Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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