It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
