you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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