Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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