I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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