Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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