I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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