just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
