I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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