I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize