Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
