she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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