My first STD was from a foam party
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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