There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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