"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
