I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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