Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
