i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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