I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have post one night stand depression
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