Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
high people should be assigned attendants
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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