He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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