just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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