remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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