my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
