You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
