Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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