her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
