??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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