have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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