I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
