I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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