Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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